Saturday, 20 November 2010

Preparing for Christmas.

The Day of the Beard approaches once more. This year, I will have Caligula's help setting my Santa traps but this year there is something new.

First of all, I tried summoning him with magic. That didn't work. The following year I set traps but he's surprisingly nimble and he escaped. Not unscathed, but he did escape.

Then I turned to technology but he was ahead of me there also.

Last year I was distracted by Caligula who was only three months old and hadn't yet learned to howl only at the full moon. He howled every time his grandmother looked at him, but then that's excusable. The resemblance is really quite remarkable, right down to the placement of the craters. He understands the difference now but if she turns up unexpectedly he can still lapse into unseasonal howls. I can't punish him because looking at her makes me want to howl too. I hope Senga doesn't grow to resemble her mother.

This year, I have a new tactic. Caligula and I will hide on the roof, let him get inside and then shoot his reindeer. Then we can ransack his sleigh at our leisure and track him through the house. There'll be no escape this time, other than on foot through the swamp. The Slimy Swamp Thing will probably be dormant at that time of year but the Ferals don't hibernate. They'll be hungry and possibly drunk.

Even if he makes it to the village, if he turns up there without presents they'll lynch him.

Reindeer steaks for Christmas dinner too. It's perfect.

Well, better go and re-string the crossbows. Christmas preparations can take a lot of time.

No comments: