I have been ill. Not at Death's door, although he has been hanging around a lot lately just in case, but ill enough to force me to visit the local doctor.
There is a new one, apparently, who took over the practice some twelve years ago. The old Doctor, Will Seeyounow, retired and there is a young and highly excitable man in his place. This one goes by the somewhat intrusive name of Doctor Speculum and he's far too modern for my tastes.
Within hours he had me wired up to some gadget with more cables than I use in my attempts to reanimate corpses. Much lower voltage, fortunately. He took blood samples, which I very much doubt I'll get back, and seemed oddly disturbed at the luminosity. I told him there was nothing to worry about, that particular unusual trait dates to my father's attempts to make me glow in the dark. It wasn't successful but he could still find me with a Geiger counter.
Doctor Speculum used an ultrasound scanner then took an X-ray and finally announced with some consternation that one heart was bigger than the other. Again, this is no cause for alarm. Almost all Dumes are left or right-hearted. Very few have been ambiventricular. Really, it seemed to me that all these tests were getting nowhere. I suppose I can't blame him for his enthusiasm. His records have a large gap in them, under 'Dume'.
I left with the promise of return when he had the results of the blood tests. Next time, perhaps he'll actually look at the swollen leg I went in with.
Dr. Seeyounow would have.